As a parent and now a grandparent, I’ve learned that raising children requires a lot of patience, grace, and love. Part of love is placing things like parameters and boundaries to keep them safe and in line. As they get older, generally the boundaries are relaxed as they become more responsible and mature. When they reach the point where they become responsible for themselves, hopefully, they have learned the lessons behind the rules which will provide a good foundation for keeping one on the straight and narrow in life.

God too has boundaries and He expects them to be respected. When He makes choices or says no to us, that is His right, His freedom. If we are to have a real relationship with Him, we need to respect that freedom. When we try and put God on the spot where He “has to do something,” we are testing His freedom. When we are angry with Him for what He does not do, we are not allowing Him the freedom to be who He is.

The same is true in our human relationships. One of the basic problems in a human relationship is that of freedom. We call people bad because they do not do what we want them to do. We judge them for being themselves, for fulfilling their wishes. We withdraw love from them when they do what they feel is best for them, but it is not what we want them to do.

I think sometimes we do the same thing with God. We feel entitled to God’s favor as if He has to do what we want Him to. How do you feel when someone asks you for a favor but does not give you a free choice? This happens all the time in the church. It’s called being “voluntold.” This happens when you are told you have agreed to do something that you didn’t want to do. When this happens it cringes on our sense of self-determination and control. Although I believe we are justified in feeling this way, it is different with God. Often times we approach God with a childish entitlement that gets many people dissatisfied with God the same way that they are dissatisfied with others in their lives. They hate the freedom of others. People, even God should do what we want.

Every year I get asked whether I will help with our VBS program. Now VBS is a great outreach ministry, but it isn’t for everyone and I am one of that group. A few years ago, I was asked to help. As I prayed about it, I knew my answer should have been “No,” but I felt my rubber arm being twisted and succumbed to the request. I got vertigo just before the start of the two-week long program. During my time of recovery, God spoke to me and said, “I told you this isn’t for you.” Since that day, whenever I am asked to help, my answer has been “No.”

But what about God? Is He at beckon call to do whatever we ask? I’ve heard people quote verses like John 14:14 which says, “You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.” The reality is God is free from us. When He does something for us, He does it out of choice. He is not under compulsion, guilt or manipulation. He does things, like dying for us, because He wants to.

Because God is holy and pure, we can rest in His pure love; He has no hidden resentment in what He does. His freedom allows Him to love. Many Bible characters ran into God’s freedom and learned to embrace it. Embracing His freedom and respecting His boundaries, they always deepened their relationship with God.

Job had to come to accept the freedom of God to not rescue Him when he wanted. Job expressed his anger and dissatisfaction with God, and God rewarded His honesty. But Job did not “make God bad,” in his own mind. In all of his complaining, he did not end his relationship with God. He didn’t understand God, but he allowed God to be Himself and did not withdraw his love from Him, even when he was very angry with Him. This is a real relationship.

In the same way, Paul accepted the boundaries of God. When he planned mission trips that didn’t work out, Paul accepted the sovereignty of God. He asked God repeatedly for healing that God would not give him. In 2 Corinthians 12:7-9, Paul writes, “Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” Paul did not reject God for setting that boundary. Rather he accepted it and boasted of it!

Jesus was perfected through His suffering. Hebrews 5:7-10 says, “During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with fervent cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. Son though he was, he learned obedience from what he suffered and, once made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him and was designated by God to be high priest in the order of Melchizedek.” In the Garden of Gethsemane, He asked that His cup of suffering pass from Him, but God said no. Jesus accepted God’s wishes, submitted to them, and through that, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him. If Jesus had not respected God’s boundaries and God’s no, we would all be lost.

In the same way that we want others to respect our no, God wants us to respect His. He does not want us to make Him the bad guy when He makes a choice. We do not like others trying to manipulate or control us with guilt, and neither does He.

Then again, God does not want us to be passive in our relationship with Him either. Although in the end, God does what He desires, He still wants us to bring our requests to Him. That is part of what a real relationship is. Marriage is like that. In the end, someone makes the call. It may be one person’s responsibility, but both people have input. It is the kind of relationship Abraham had with God (cf. Genesis 18:16-33). God said that He would destroy Sodom, yet Abraham pleaded with God to change His mind… if he could find ten righteous people. In the end, Abraham couldn’t even fill his own parameters, but the lesson here is when we make our feelings and wishes known, God responds. We are not ignored.

We do not often think of God this way, but the Bible is clear. Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” God is sovereign and His will shall be done but He does listen to our prayers. It wouldn’t be a real relationship if we couldn’t. Isaiah 1:18 is one of the most interesting verses in the Bible. It says, “Come now, let us reason together,” says the LORD.

Like a real friend or a real father, He says, “Let me hear your side of things and I will consider them. They matter to Me.” Consider Jesus’ parables about prayer. In one story in Luke 18, a judge who “neither feared God nor cared about men,” for some time refused to grant a widow her request for justice. But because the widow kept bothering him, he changed his mind and granted her wish. Luke tells us that Jesus told them this parable so “that they should always pray and not give up.” In another story, a neighbor who persistently asks for bread is granted the request because of his continuing boldness” (Luke 11:5-9). Other people whom Jesus decided to heal after they persisted in asking for healing.

God wants us to respect His boundaries; He doesn’t want us to withdraw our love when He says no. But He has nothing at all against our trying to persuade Him to change His mind. In fact, He asks for us to be tenacious. Often he says, “Wait,” seeing how much we really want something. Other times, it seems He changes his mind as a result of our relationship with Him. Either way, we respect His wishes and stay in the relationship.