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Seven Words of Grace

Have you ever had this happen to you? Words leave your mouth and you immediately wished they would not have. You see the reaction of the person at whom the words were directed and your heart sinks. Their head drop. In essence, we have aimed a weapon, struck the target, and regretted our success all within the span of a moment.

We want to believe words don’t carry the weight they do. It’s easier to let ourselves off the hook for the impact we have on other people. Many of us believed the childhood adage, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” This might have been a catchy little saying but the opposite is true.

The reality is that words have the creative power to build or destroy. They give hope, crush dreams, instill safety, release fear, stir faith, or create pain. There is unlimited potential in our mouth for either good or evil. As a parent, this is especially true in relation to our children. What we say can have eternal consequences.

While we tend to focus on our own hearts and what they need, it is vital for us to realize that God has given us a responsibility to care for other people’s hearts. We have a role to play in helping each other experience grace, love, and fulfillment from living out God’s plan for our lives. That being said, I want to share a few thoughts using seven words that God has given us to demonstrate grace and make our relationships stronger.

1. Praise – Colossians 2:6-7

Our words should be both beautiful and valuable. They can find good in someone and draw it out to be put on display. It takes a few extra minutes to discover something praiseworthy in someone’s life but the impact can be life-changing. “You are so good at making other people believe they can accomplish big things. You inspire me,” or “I love how you change the atmosphere when you walk in the room. Your smile brightens everyone’s day.” We are often quick to criticize, and slow to praise.

2. Thanksgiving – Ephesians 1:16

It’s easy to focus on the negative and only see the things that need to get better. When we take time to notice things we are thankful for in another person, it communicates their value to us. Appreciation is one of the best ways we care for someone’s heart. “Thank you for doing the dishes. I appreciate you taking the time to help out” or “Thanks for shoveling the snow off the driveway. You take such great care of us.”  Thanksgiving is more than what a person does, rather it is more about the person themselves. Each of us is created in His image so we need to appreciate and be grateful for who they are.

3. Affection – 2 Peter 1:5-7

We assume the people we love know how much they mean to us. When we use our words to communicate our affection it strengthens the relationship we share with someone. God provides us with a great example of this as He tells us over and over again how much He loves us. “I’m so glad you’re in my life. If I could choose from all the people in the world, I would pick you to do life with. You make my world a better place!” Love is the foundation of all the others.

4. Encouragement – 1 Thessalonians 5:11

There is no such thing as meaningless words. We are creating the world we will live in by what we say. Sometimes our relationships require us to say no (parents, we feel your pain) but we can find ways to do it while also affirming and building people up. “Your driving has gotten so much better lately. I’ve been noticing the hard work you’ve been putting in and it is really paying off. I’m proud of you!” Being critical comes naturally for most of us whereas encouragement, the act of “building up,” often requires a change of heart and will.

5. Kindness – Colossians 3:12

People should feel safe around us. Our words shouldn’t be vile or harsh but reflective of the life-giving way God communicates to us. It’s easy to repeat the negativity we hear all around us. Being kind takes intentionality and self-control but it creates a space where others can thrive. One practical way is how we deal with gossip. When you hear something negative about someone, how do we react? “Yeah, I heard that rumor but I think we should give them the benefit of doubt. We would want someone to believe the best about us if we were in their shoes.” Kindness is more than being “Canadian,” rather it is more about gentleness and respect.

6. Truth in Love – 2 John 1:1, 3 John 1:1

If we ignore the truth, we start to live in a fantasy. It’s important for us to be real and authentic. Jesus modeled a life and ministry that was full of both grace and truth. Following His example is being honest in a loving way. Here is a general measuring stick statement: Truth without Grace is mean. Grace without Truth is meaningless. Grace and Truth is medicine. Being “right” is different than truth. The former is about pride and showing the other person up whereas Truth is about discovering what matters most.

7. Prayer – Philippians 1:3-6

When we invite God into our communication it changes everything. He is a master at ministering to our hearts and the hearts of the people we love. When you find yourselves in a breakdown of communication/conflict, stopping to pray can make all the difference in the world. Too often we speak before praying. I believe if we took the time to seek God for calmness and peace and the words to speak, our conversations, our disagreements would end on a more positive note.

Words do have an impact on our world. With the advent of social media, we see how even the shortest tweet can create international chaos. But on a more personal level, it is important that we remember the words of James who in 1:26 said: “Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.” Words are easy to release but are impossible to take back.

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